Homeschooling Neurodivergent Kids: Real Learning at Home Without Worksheets

“I could never home school my kids. We tried it during COVID and it was a disaster.”

This is the reaction I get almost every time I tell someone we home school. People automatically imagine us sitting at the dining table for hours with workbooks, worksheets and strict routines.

So when I explain that we never sit around the table doing “school work”, and haven’t once in the last two years, people are usually stunned. They’re even more shocked when I add that we still meet all the home schooling requirements here in New South Wales and my kids still meet the NSW syllabus outcomes.

The Myth: Home Schooling Means Doing School at Home

There is no one way to home school and it will look different for every family depending on their needs but here's what it looks like for us.

Here’s what we don’t do:

• Workbooks, textbooks or worksheets (unless the kids request them)

• Lesson planning

• Set learning times

• Everyone sitting down doing the same thing

Here’s what we actually do:

• Live life

• Learn through doing, playing and talking

• Ask and answer A LOT of questions

• Follow interests

• Keep a simple daily rhythm for structure

• Offer learning opportunities through experiences and resources

You will not see all of us sitting down completing worksheets. That’s not how my kids work and learn best. Home is meant to be flexible and supportive, which is one of the main reasons we homeschool. The rigid structure and lack of flexibility in school didn’t work for them.

My kids are all different ages with different interests and needs. Sure, I could force everyone to sit at the table and “do school” the way classrooms expect… but the difference is, my kids won’t just quietly go through the motions. Because we have a strong connection, they’ll tell me straight away when something doesn’t work for them. Sometimes it sounds like “this is stupid, I’m not doing it”, and honestly, that tells me more about the task than it does about them.

We don’t have set learning times because “subjects” are something the school system created. Real life learning is connected. One minute we are cooking, then answering a random question about volcanoes, then playing a game that somehow leads to talking about maths. Life doesn’t happen in boxes.

Trying to force a rigid timetable into a flexible home where life is constantly happening would send everyone into meltdown. Someone needs a snack, someone spills something, the phone rings, someone gets dysregulated. Instead, we follow our own energy and capacity each day. Some mornings are great for thinking and doing, some afternoons are better for slow, gentle activities. And one of my kids comes alive at night, so that’s when the deep stuff happens for them.

I also don’t plan out lessons because it feels like pouring effort into something we probably won’t follow anyway. At the start of each registration period I write a list of possible learning opportunities that could meet our required outcomes. Most of them are things we already do in everyday life. It gives me something to refer to when the doubt creeps in and I start questioning if I’m offering “enough”. Spoiler: most of the time it’s just my mindset, not the reality.

Most days look like the kids doing their thing and me observing, connecting, answering questions, helping them find answers, pulling out resources, suggesting places to visit, or sourcing materials they show interest in or directly ask for.

What Everyday Learning Looks Like for Neurodivergent Kids

Let’s take a quick look at some everyday activities and the kind of learning that naturally shows up in them.

Cooking

Cooking covers maths, science, literacy and life skills without even trying. It gives practice in following steps, building executive functioning skills and experimenting with what works for them. It’s meaningful, relevant and hands-on AND there is a tangible outcome for all their hard work!.

Random Conversations

Some of our best learning comes from completely random conversations. A simple comment can lead to so many questions. We can google the answer or ask ChatGPT right there in the moment. Learning in context works so much better for my kids than writing it down to look up later. And no, you don’t need to follow up these questions with writing tasks or further research unless the child wants to.

Gaming

Gaming gets judged a lot, but it actually teaches so many skills, especially for autistic kids who learn best through interests and when regulated. Depending on the game, they’re practicing:

• Goal setting

• Reading

• Maths and statistics

• Problem solving

• Persistence

• Emotional regulation

• Communication and social skills
  

When something is meaningful, the learning sticks.

Why Worksheets Don’t Equal Learning (Especially for Autistic Kids)

For kids to learn effectively, and actually want to engage, a few things need to be working in their favour. Learning sticks when new ideas connect to something they already know. Our brains learn through meaning and connection, not random information or tasks that feel irrelevant.

Motivation also isn’t something we can force. Self Determination Theory explains that kids need three key ingredients:

• Autonomy, which is having choice or some control

• Relatedness, which is understanding why the learning matters to them

• Competence, which is feeling like “I can actually do this”
  

If even one of these is missing, engagement and learning becomes a struggle.

Many kids who’ve had a tough time in school carry a stress response to anything that looks or feels school-like. For some, even seeing a worksheet can bring up old pressure, fear of failure or memories of being pushed past their limits.

On top of that, a lot of autistic kids experience monotropic thinking. They focus deeply on one thing at a time. Worksheets often jump from one unrelated question to another, which instantly pulls them out of their focus and can feel overwhelming or pointless.

So even if they do complete the worksheet, they’re usually just trying to get through it as quickly as possible. They’re not actually engaged, and the learning doesn’t stick.

This is where interest-led, self-directed learning shines. Kids have choice, the learning connects to something meaningful, it builds on what they already know and it feels achievable. It works with their brain, not against it.

So What Does Home schooling Really Look Like?

Home schooling looks like everyday life. Honestly, it reminds me of school holidays, except my kids aren’t spending all their energy recovering from school, so it’s often calmer.

It looks like meeting needs, building connection and working through conflict. It looks like regulating before learning. It looks like prioritising mental health and wellbeing. It looks like leaning into fluctuating capacity instead of fighting it.

It’s flexible, child led, play based, meaningful and real.

And yes, it’s messy and chaotic at times. But if your life isn’t messy every now and then, are you even living?

Wondering if Home Schooling is the Right Fit for Your Family?

You can download my checklist here to help you figure out if home schooling might be a good option for your family.